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The Whole In Your Heart

The Whole in Your Heart  

 

I think this is a song… after singing Adele’s "When

We Were Young"…and repeatedly crying my eyes out the first few times trying to sing it, I then looked at this poem…and… I think with a few tweaks, this is a song, a ballad, a story, and I like it. And the HE can be switched to a SHE but I wrote with a grieving woman in mind, so hence the HE here.

 

I will be honest here and say this straight to you

I wrote this with someone in mind that grieves and not specifically for you

I wrote it for them and for me and for anyone else grieving so

I wrote for strangers I never met and that I do not even know

 

but I realize now that I think it may possibly be a song

that I can sing with all my soul once I find a melody that belongs

I think it is a song, that has spoken through my heart

and will speak to others too who've seen someone dear depart

 

I hope you will indulge me, and I insult you in no way

with words I have not so perfectly here and there, put together for you today.....

I hope it brings a deep breath and sigh I hope not too many tears please don't scoff

and if you do not like it much, please do not find you need to chop my head right off

 

and it may or may not

speak unto your aching heart

and please stay open to the feelings

and try not to pick it all apart

 

and it is my belief.....that the hole in your heart.... you say it will never heal....

and that is most likely true....

but you will find the hole gets a little smaller,

scars over and doesn't bleed quite as profuse .......

and somehow if you stay open to it,

 

out of the ashes and the crumbling dust,

comes something you did not foresee and it emerges against this crust

this crust of scar and tissue and tears

you thought would go on and not end

because sometimes when you feel that way

you can't see around the bend

 

and yes you can carry your pain

and even you may not want to give in to relief

and yes you can't imagine

never carrying so much grief

and I won't tell you not to grieve

oh you won't hear that from me

but at some point you may transform some of that pain

into something you could not see

 

right now you still feel bitter,

and you hurt for what you lost

you will always carry that pain (some of that will always remain)

and it came at an uncountable cost

 

but some you will transform to love

for he would not want you to suffer so

and I would bet all I had (not much 'tis true) that if he could talk to you

he would say,

 

"one day you will be able to take that pain, and feel my love instead

and I want you to embrace the world and try to wrap this around your head"

 

"that I gave you a gift my love ....that was my love you know

and now you cannot hold on to that too tight (for that would not be right)

I just want you to start to think what good, if you do not share

don't hold my love that tightly, there are others waiting there

who need that love which is meant to spread and shine my light with your love and grace

it is this way that you honor me and our love, by giving it away"

 

"you give to the child that is sick

you give it to your friend or family

you give it to a homeless hungry soul

that is how you honor me"

 

"and in this way as you give my love

you are giving your self a gift

for you may just find as you share my love

you give yourself a lift"

 

"you are sharing me with the world, and not so selfish be

for as you share love with the world you honor and remember me"

 

"a lift from pain to joy (joy? how is that, that I could feel say you)

yes joy again my darling one, for that is what is real

when you feel joy my wings do move and I so softly alight

and light here where I am, becomes just a little more, yes,

a little more intensely bright"

NmK

P.S.  When I went to Washington D.C., I met a couple, Ed Quinn and his wife Jody. Ed had had pancreatic cancer for five years. They were both on facebook, but never joined this site though I tried. He was going to start a trial at Dana Farber, a one person trial, but after one treatment, his body could not tolerate any more insults.  They stopped the treatment, and felt chemo was no longer an option. He died last night, at home, with family around him. Tuck one more name into your prayers for sustenance and comfort and consolation. He was a special man whose love now is carried by all those whose lives he touched, and so like all the others, we now carry their love and light in our hearts, and they live on in us. 

3 people like this post.
Susan J threw a punch at your cancer.
Thomas sent you a hug.
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Beautiful poem song, Neal. It touched us greatly and reminds my Nan that she has promised herself (upon my death) to be grateful she was chosen to walk the journey with me, and to speak of me often, and to smile through her tears as she carries the love she has for me and remembers the good times we shared, and to find the strength to love again. And again. And again ...

PS - we are sad to read of this nasty disease claiming another. Rest easy Mr Quinn, for yes, you live on :*)
Deborah likes this comment
Thank you
Thomas likes this comment
My thoughts and prayers are with the Quinn family. Please share this poem with Mrs Quinn, I think she would benefit from it.
Deborah likes this comment
Think it's a little too early for that
Very depressing to read about an individual who manages to survive five years with this insidious disease - only to succumb at that point. So sorry for the loss of Ed Quinn.....💪🏽
Deborah likes this comment
Me too....thanks
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Vital Info

Posts

February 10, 2017

North Haven, CT, usa 06473

In Memory of a Loved One

Cancer Info

Pancreas Cancer

Stage 4

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